Dear Therapist: I Don’t Approve of My Daughter’s Boyfriend

By Martha Cliff for MailOnline. Sick of wasting time on relationships that end up absolutely nowhere? What if I told you, you can spot a loser on the first few dates? In most cases, the warning signs are there right from the very start. In fact, it’s entirely possible you can predict exactly what’s going to break you up, by watching and listening carefully on the first three dates. Everyone’s on their absolute best behaviour at the beginning: if you’re seeing cracks that early, it generally means the person has deeply-ingrained issues and is best avoided.

7 Tips for when You Hate Your Daughter’s Boyfriend …

Whether it’s a new boyfriend who seems like he’s bad news or a friend who sets off that little warning light in your brain, deciding how to handle these kinds of situations is one of the biggest struggles I’ve heard moms talk about. On the one hand, because you’re such a protective and loving mom, you probably want to barricade the front door and not let that person within 10 feet of your precious girl believe me, when I’ve heard girls in workshops talk about bad news boyfriends or mean friends, I’ve felt the exact same way!

But at the same time, you don’t want to go too far and drive a wedge between the two of you. So how do you find the right balance? When I received this question from a HuffPost reader, it took me back to two particular times when my own mom and I were facing this issue.

I foresee her marrying this loser and paying him alimony! My anxiety over this is I need an unbiased opinion. — Heartbroken Your attitude toward this guy should be: “Hey, I wouldn’t date him, but I’m not you.” Don’t throw.

Dear Straight Talk : I have full custody of a talented, intelligent, year-old daughter. She just started freshman year and is moving fast toward having a senior, poor-student, drug-using boyfriend. How can I discourage this without causing a rebellion? Jessie, 20, Eugene, Oregon : Discouraging her could spark the opposite reaction — but you still need to do it. Set a curfew. Remind her that a boy who truly cares about her will respect her family, too. Encourage involvement with school friends they can talk a girl out of a guy better than you.

The times I fell for someone who used me was when I felt insecure and unlovable. As a sophomore, I can see the game now. On rare occasion a true relationship forms, but mostly freshmen girls are easy targets. How would you like to be charged with statutory rape? Okay, that might not be your style. My single-parent dad knows all about that.

When You Don’t Approve of Your Adult Child’s Relationship

Judy, whose heart was breaking witnessing her daughter living with an abusive man, made a comment about her daughter under my post Warning Signs that your Male Partner is Controlling you :. My husband and I have always found his behaviour to her to be selfish, sexist, uncaring, disrespectful and at times cruel. When I visited her to talk about what we were seeing, her reaction was withdrawn and non-committal, she was very loving, but said we had blown it out of proportion.

This mother was advised by Domestic Violence organisations not to push her daughter to take any action and to leave such decisions to her. Current research shows this is the best action in cases where coercive control is involved. But that may seem counter-intuitive to you.

The Daily Man-Up: Warning Signs You’re Dating a Loser When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to.

My daughter started seeing a guy her first boyfriend when she was 17 against our wishes. So we just hoped it would play out. I felt like something was wrong with him so ran background check, found out he is 28, has no job, no phone, no car, no money and lives with grandmother. The day our daughter turned 18, she got mouthy and hateful, packed her bags and moved in with my parents, against our wishes. I am not going to give her any more money ever.

She is planning on marrying and supporting him. He is a lazy, no good bum and I think he is on drugs. My daughter is a good girl; she works and goes to college but lets him brainwash her into hating her dad and me.

How to Get a Teen to Stop Dating a Loser

Just because you don’t like your teenager’s partner doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. However, if the signs are there — he’s flunking out of school, using or selling drugs or treating your child badly — it’s your job as a parent to step in. Making demands is likely to backfire because your teen is at an age when it’s developmentally appropriate to assert her individuality.

[Archive] Daughter dating a ‘loser’ All Grown Up. I have a 24 year old daughter who only dates the loser type you Thanks for the advice!

The woman talking with me is more than a little upset. In fact, she is beside herself with worry and disapproval. Yet she swears he is the love of her life and she defends him! We want him to stop seeing her and find a girl who is appropriate. Love and romance. If only it were sensible. Sometimes it is. When young people are crazy in love, it can seem really crazy to the adults around them. At times, it can seem like the biggest mistake your child could make.

At times, it can threaten the very fabric of family life and the larger family culture. When that happens, parents are challenged to the depths of their souls. Is your love for your child bigger or smaller than your commitment to an opinion, a belief or value system? You want your adult child to be happy and safe.

How mothers can support daughters coping with an abusive relationship

Stacy and Brad have been together for a year. He moved in with us as soon as they started dating. But my daughter, who had depression and severe anxiety, is actually happy and doing amazingly well right now. You may have felt that having him in your home was safer than her perhaps running away and living with him. And you would have been right. If you believe this, then it unfortunately ties both you and your daughter to him.

Start with making a little extra room. Because before you ban this boofhead from your home, Lamble suggests, “invite him over – a lot. Let your.

Jackson is a college psychology professor, family counselor, and a mother of nine adult children. We have a standing joke in our home: When I was working toward a doctoral degree, my sons occasionally started spending money in their heads. In other words, they liked to plan what they were going to do with the money I was going to make. I always tell them that I am leaving all my money to the dolphins, so they will have to make their own ways in the world.

On some level, like all jokes, there is some truth to what I say. I expect them to have jobs, work hard, and support themselves in life. The phrase “tough love” comes to mind, but I as a college psychology professor, family counselor, and former personal loan writer, I have met many parents who spent their life savings bailing their children out of predicaments.

Helping a Daughter Who Loves a Loser

It is definitely hard to see the love of your life, the person you love forever unconditionally, waste their time with someone who you think is a complete loser. This might seem annoying at first but as a concerned parent, you have every right to introduce new prospects into your child’s life when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend.

Regardless of whether she is interested in the guys you introduce her to or not, I would still continue to suggest new guys.

I want my daughter back. Can you give us some advice? Richard Hogan says:​The world of teenage dating is very difficult for parents to.

Dear Amy: I am the proud mom of two young adults, ages 25 and He is 25 and does not have a paying job. He is at my house constantly. When my daughter suggested he get a job as a bartender or a waiter on the weekends, he mocked her. My daughter is in nursing school. We invited him on our family vacation. We booked three suites at the St.

Regis in Rome. He showed up with an extra-large ripped suitcase and ordered the most expensive meals. My daughter insists she is willing to fight for her relationship!

She’s not under your thumb, Mick

I’ve never been happier. My mom, in her dementia unit, has no idea. Hi Savy, I sometimes think that the guys who date my daughters will never good enough because my babies must date prince charming and live happily ever after. Unfortunately the reality of it is there is no prince charming or happily ever after. I think, as parents we need to accept our children’s choice, embrace them and welcome them into the family. I don’t want to put up walls between me and my daughters.

My recommendation: Don’t have this conversation at all. Your daughter is not going to listen to you. You mentioned your daughter’s high school.

The arrival of a baby girl signals endless hopes and dreams of a future filled with dress-up dolls, pigtails and plaits, netball games and school dances. These guys ooze testosterone, which is attractive. They often try to tame the bad boy. It’s a form of gentle rebellion. At sweet sixteen, I dated a guy who had a car. A fast one. He dyed his hair blue, wore no tie and smoked under the stairs at the train station. And before you know it, a dreaded conversation looms over you and your daughter like a cloud of bum-puffed cigarette smoke.

The answer?

Dating a Loser? 6 Reasons You Can’t Leave Him

He is 25 years old and does not have a paying job. He is at my house constantly. When my daughter suggested he get a job as a bartender or a waiter on the weekends, he mocked her.

smart, witty daughter of 22 has been dating a “loser” for six years. over, Dr. Carver, and are wondering if you have any other advice for us.

The greasy-haired, tattoo-covered guy has dropped out of high school or college and spends his day driving around in his sleek car. Then, girl meets boy and everything changes. It also applies to unmarried adult children. Thank them for being willing to talk for a few minutes. Your child will shut down if you start by attacking their friend. Would you share with me why you chose to do that? Then, perhaps you can make a suggestion that you both can live with.

After reading them, or discussing them with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they may recognize on their own that this is not the right relationship. And as an adult, he or she will want to make the final decision. And, hopefully, they will honor you and trust you enough to follow your lead. Share in a comment below some ways you can apply these steps to your situation.

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Daughter Dating Loser Boyfriend!

Everyone has that friend, the one who dates guys that leave the rest of you scratching your heads. There are a million reasons why you and almost every other woman in the world sometimes fall for a loser. He may not have much going for him, but he sure is a good time. Well, obviously, because you are. Still, it feels good when a guy is constantly singing your praises.

Relationships & Advice. Ask Amy: This year-old loser makes my teenage daughter happy. Plus: I feel bad because she’s sick, but He moved in with us as soon as they started dating. So many factors are frustrating for me.

Dear Amy: My university graduate daughter has been seeing a year-old guy for three years. Although we were nice to him at the beginning, he is no longer allowed in our home because he has been disrespectful toward us and has called us names. Her friends and family members don’t like him. No one understands what she sees in him.

We feel he has our daughter wrapped around his finger. He is her first love. She is extremely intelligent and is now looking for a job. We have tried backing off and letting her do what she wants but she spends more and more time with him. Although we have always had a close relationship with her, we and others no longer recognize the person she has become.

We don’t want to kick her out, as we worry he will manipulate her even more. We feel caught between a rock and a hard place. Dear Worried: You are engaged in a delicate dance, vying with your daughter’s boyfriend over who gets to control her.

Dating Loser Single Mothers